Butt Kicking Chair

A couple of years ago I was sitting in one of those mind numbing meetings about stupid users or some such thing when I began to doodle and hit upon an idea. Wouldn't it be cool if all of our users sat in specially designed (or retrofitted) chairs that were capable of producing a shot to the sitter's posterior. The idea called for a chair, a boot, a lever, an actuator, a small computer with a network connection (wired or wireless), and some custom software. The computer would provide a network interface that would allow an administrator or help desk person to send a request to the chair and the person sitting in it would get a single kick in the pants. The idea for the interface later morphed into a web page and/or XML-RPC interface that listened to requests from authorized administrators which would trigger the butt kicking as well as various presets (single kick, small whooping, smack down, death by boot, etc).

A few months later I was reading an article--sorry, I can't remember where--about preventing spam. The author mentioned that he could cure all spam by hitting a user over the head each time they sent a message. The average user would have no real issues with this since it would be single shots every so often but spammers would be killed by the constant hammering due to the volume of messages sent at one time. An interesting approach, why not use a bee bee gun with attached heat and motion sensors for tracking the user around the room?

Anyway, I took this as confirmation of my butt kicking chair idea. However, my wife and I have since had two children and I lack the time to build a prototype. Over the years I have refined the idea and have some designs in mind. Perhaps one of these days I'll get that prototype built. I can just imagine the marketing campaign ideas: Apply Physiological Conditioning to Computer Users, Idiot Proof your Network, etc. I wonder if anyone would buy it.


In 2003-2004 some guys at an engineering firm came up with a manually activated butt kicking machine. Why manual?